Comp 4 starting thoughts

Auditions are coming soon- joining with my classmates, I'd like to look for strength/softness in an exercise we'll be doing, because I think it can show me qualities I'll have in the relationships among my dancers. We're starting with trio projects, and I've been getting ideas collected for that, and some fresh movement.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my family relationships, particularly approaching and during winter break. My relationship with my dad has been what makes me saddest and happiest, depending on the circumstances, and it's a sure way for me to access those emotions to think about either the distance between us, or the resilience of our relationship. Although there's still a lot of confusion on my part as to how we all relate to each other including my mom (a lot is unspoken, which raises something for me to address in dance), I'm interested in taking this opportunity to look at the tensions and relationships here.

As may be evident, then, I'm feeling a start with the negative emotions. (I think by quartet time at midterms I may move onto positive ones.) I want to create a duet from some movements I have now, then split the duet and add the third dancer. That third dancer will act as a force keeping one duet-member away from the other as the original movements are altered, and both feel the wrongness of that shifted relationship. Words that come to mind include stuckness, frustration, fractured, despair, unfair.

While listing these adjectives, it's hard for me not to move onto hopeful thoughts, because, fortunately for me in general, I'm persistently optimistic, or resilient. I've found it's hard for me to at-will tap into negative states behind dances at a later time. Developing my solo is best when I'm in a self-questioning mood, and I played with that recently, which was nice to return to and dig into a little more after so little space to work and play over break with the family all around.

I guess it may be that these dances come from my biography and touch closer to who I am than anything I've ever made... but I feel like my group works could (as they are in my mind now) be linked with that solo. Together, they will be portraying the most long-standing and influential relationships and their effects on me. While my solo is very personal and that story is well-set (and according to feedback, well-portrayed so far), I hope that my Comp 4 group pieces will not remain strictly a portrait of my situation. I hope they will become something representing processes that others can personalize and relate to in their own ways. Previously I tried going from general to specific and found that a ridiculous and confusing way to go. But now I'm done with that, and I've got my groove back. ...So now I'm following my mentor's mantras, and I'm going to BS it with confidence (and some extra forethought for fun and to be safe).