Updated Access

The JUR keeps em rolling in!  So my previous links are outdated.  Here are (hopefully) permanent links...

Featured Scholar

Choreographing Emotion: The Process of Creating ViewFinder

In the future, look forward to my thesis work on ambiguity and counselors-in-training!  Just getting that one going here.

No chi square for feelings

My own position on this is that, "There is no way to chi square a feeling and make it qualify as a scientific fact." This is based on the belief that human behavior is a part of all nature, so that it is as knowable and predictable and reproducible as other phenomena in nature; but I believe that research should be directed at making theoretical contact with other fields, rather than applying the scientific method to subjective human data.

From Bowen´s chapter ¨Theory in the practice of psychotherapy."  Couldn´t resist tossing that in when I read it while writing a family theories paper today :)

Submission accepted!

What an honor! I've just been asked to be the Featured Scholar when my paper will be published in the Fall issue of UF's Journal of Undergraduate Research! Go here to see it now!

Looking back at this project months later has given me a fresh perspective on it while also recalling many important lessons. This is especially pertinent as my project relates to my experience in my first semester of graduate school. The project's concern of observing versus participating is ever-relevant as I work to be present while integrating new skills and ideas into my beginning counseling practices. It is one thing to learn about counseling skills, and another thing to embody them!

Personally I still struggle to be what I am lately calling "thin skinned," so that I am open to receive and be part of the world around me, particularly in emotions and body. I have noticed that as has been my habit, intellectually engaging is easier than the other more present-focused modes, but knowing that helps me to counter it by facing my "growth edges" instead of going with the immediate response. Realizing the importance of dance and my choreographic experiences has shown me that I'm in fact theoretically inclined towards a very present-focused therapeutic theory, Gestalt. Actually, rather than blogging now, I should be working on articulating my personal theory of counseling for a final paper.

Today this acceptance and honor has been a huge support as I continue to enthusiastically struggle to own and fully be who I am, to live that out prolifically. The process never ends!

...By the way, since you last heard from me I became a New York dancer, performing with my project mentor's company. Check out that story here: http://my2280pints.blogspot.com/! I'm the only future therapist I know who also lived and danced in the Big Apple!

ViewFinder Performance Video

Audience Photographs

Here are the photos taken by audience members during performances! I'm afraid some of the lighting didn't work out (I'm surprised, given the stage lights!) But what we do have gives us some good shots that reveal audience perspectives. Click for a full-view of each contact sheet. Apologies that the photos aren't larger. Even with a backer, the prices were higher than I expected and I barely had enough funding to get everything developed. I might ask Lydia to print a few favorites from the rolls of film later :)

I appreciate those of you who took the photos and any who are following up now to see them posted! Again, sorry about the delay- graduation and trying to get the paper on this project in a journal has me running like a mad person! Almost done!

Audience-photographer 1















Audience-photographer 2














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Audience-photographer 7












Audience-photographer 8











Audience-photographer 9














Audience-photographer 10















I'll also try to get some of the files from Lydia's show photos! They were lots of fun :)
Again, thanks to all who were part of the development and performance of this piece!

Apologies!

Sorry the show photos aren't posted yet! I want you to see the fruit of our creative work, but first I have to be sure I'm graduating properly. Two more papers (including a deadline for this project's!) and an art project for a class to finish by tomorrow. Then I can do this!

Progress!

Rough draft done! Now to edit, edit, edit- and format it for submission- get feedback, and edit more. Then submit. I'm practically there, right? :)

Developing the photos was not cheap- thankfully my generous donor covered just enough that I think I'm breaking nearly even with everything. What's a few dollars for all this!

Looking at the photo thumbnails I ordered to show what's on the developed film rolls (so I might choose a few photos for Lydia to make prints of), I notice some distraction of audience members taking photos of friends- but I also recognize that this is their perspective! Interesting results! These, and photos from the seats are intermixed with closer photos of the piece of varying quality (about half are too poorly lit to show much- not sure what effect stage lighting/flash had on this). Somebody followed me around for a few shots, which entertains me- also, I didn't easily recognize my own photos from that day! There are some good ones in there, and I'll do my best to get them organized and posted up here soon (though possibly after I finish all my final projects in the next week)!

Paper writing

I woke up this morning and started writing. I'm up to the journal minimum of 1,500 words, and haven't even gotten to describe the performances yet- there's no lack of material here! Hope to finish a rough draft today and edit over the next two weeks til submission is due.

I'll also have a performance video to post before the month is out. :)

The film development cost a little more than I expected today, but thankfully I'm funded beyond my goal and I won't need to pay for the show DVD I promised my backer as I'd expected. Anyway, I'll scan and post the contact sheets for each roll of film this week when I get them back!

It was awesomeee! Thanks to all!

All done! Our final performance went off great- because I wasn't preparing to perform my solo today, I was able to be part of the crowd of lay-photographers. It was a blast, especially seeing the level of involvement from the audience members! There were people ranging in ages, from the younger siblings of a fellow dancer, to a woman who I've seen at every single show the department's presented, to other students and family members. I was about to ask people to take cameras just before the piece started, but found that they were all already taken- and as I led the way, the were all also used! In the end, only two cameras have gone missing, leaving me with 12 that were used across the performances. Maybe people got attached to theirs and will develop them on their own? I'm looking forward to having the film developed and getting CDs of the images to post here soon! I put labels with instructions and this blog site on it for the audience to find their photos, and I know one woman took the label with her (I hope you find it!) I wonder if we'll recognize our own perspectives...!


After a whole year of working on this project, it's incredible to have seen it come to such a great conclusion. I'll finally let my dancers see this site and reveal the underlying processes I tried not to jabber about too much in rehearsals. And with the great satisfaction of my experience of the piece today, I'm geared up to write about it. I've got a few final papers to write before my undergraduate experience ends, so maybe this is just the spur I need! Journal of Undergraduate Research, get ready! I'll be sending tonight's DVD to them and any who ask to see the piece :)

I also want to include a note of thanks to so many people who've helped me!

Thanks to my performers: To Marissa for being my guinea pig last semester and offering her gifts and sweet energy. To Molly for the same, and her perceptive feedback, questions, and perspective this semester. To Chelsea for sticking with me all year, even after I fumbled through my first semester of choreography, and for offering her willingness to share her beautiful improvisation anew each performance. To Camille for being a brave minor and auditioning and always taking my changes and requests so kindly- I hope you do everything you want to in this program, because you can! To Lydia for enthusiastically joining us with all her interest and willingness to engage!

Thanks to my teachers: To Neta for becoming my USP mentor when I asked a year ago, and for her questions, suggestions, rehearsal visits, extra conversations, and especially for encouraging me when I was afraid to break out of my proposal, but realized that's where it was going! To KO for her support through comp classes and for offering a kind word and genuine advice any time I've asked an opinion. To Andreas, for taking me into your lab and always being so kind and cheerful, for sharing your enthusiasm in my stretching of these two disciplines and offering me a connection to the inside scoop at CSEA.

To my fellow dancers, for accepting me as a pseudo-dance major, and for encouraging me to share myself in my solo, which is what kept me going through the challenges of this project.

Also, always thanks to my parents who encouraged me to dance in the first place and have always assumed I can accomplish anything I want to. Thanks to my friends and congregation members who came to the showcase to see my work!

by the way...

By the way, world- I realized I haven't mentioned the outcome of my nervous waiting to hear from my top grad school! I got in! I'll be returning to UF for its Counselor Education program next year to study Mental Health Counseling :D I also got a grad position with Housing, so I can look forward to continuing my exciting involvement there. I'm hoping to record all the good grad things to come at another blog (maybe these are addictive?)

Other thoughts include my total appreciation for the inclusiveness of the dancers I've spent the last few years with. I love being an honorary dance major- it warms the cookies of my heart how they always include me where I wouldn't assume to be included. In bows at tonight's show, they welcomed me into the line of choreographers, and the line of seniors to be recognized. My solo isn't an established work by a professional choreographer, but they've let me pretend it's on the level of their senior solos by allowing me to include it in the show. I'm realizing how involved I've been as a dance minor, that they look for me to continue to be involved as a grad (I hope so too!), and that they welcome me to their functions like the department potluck. The minors who are stage hands for their independent study were asking me about how I'm in the show when they found out I'm a minor too, and it made me see how unusual my involvement is. It's rare for any one but a major to take Comp classes to the highest level or to perform a solo in the showcase. I can't say how much I appreciate the warmth and encouragement with which this department has allowed me to do all these things, and has actively encouraged my growth with dance. I look forward to continuing to dance with these people as much as I'm able as a grad student. Yet another perk to getting into UF's program :)

Finally, a great quote I came across while doing education homework tonight: The cultivation of imagination is not a utopian aspiration (Eisner).

It's an Opening Day miracle!

Today I was going from class to class, ready to camp out in the dance building through West African til company warmup for the show- when into my inbox drifted the lovliest email! Someone supported my piece on kickstarter- a big thanks to my special donor for his generosity, which put me above my goal amount, and provided disposable cameras just in time for tonight's opening show! I zoomed over to WalMart and got 6 cameras for each show, and they were all used in tonight's performance! I feel like a real person within the community of artists, having such a supportive benefactor :) I'll be sending my new friend a DVD of the show and some other goodies as thanks. I had all but given up on kickstarter pulling though, so it was amazing good news.

That good omen carried through to a great performance tonight! The preshow ViewFinder performance was good- people at first hesitated to use the cameras onstage but with prompting from those who knew, they left their seats and joined. A small hitch of them retreating in the gap in the music can be fixed for tomorrow's show. The dancers were all over it- they've been great all along, and I'm glad to see this coming to production for them.

We also had a nice lobby art show display with a variety of Lydia's photos printed on transparencies, vellum, and photo paper. When I checked in on my table, they were mixed up- people had been using them and rearranging them like I'd hoped! All in all, a great opening night- my solo was the best performance yet, too, I think! Looking forward to night #2 tomorrow :)

Here's the teaser video for Program A! A tiny part of my solo is at 0:30, followed by some of ViewFinder :)

First Dress Rehearsal

We're in show week! The first dress rehearsal went well- technical kinks of lighting, sound, entrances/exits resolved. Now to define how to invite the audience to participate!... I'll ask the ushers to explain as they enter:

"The first piece is underway, and you are invited to participate. If you have a camera or phone camera, please join the dancers onstage by taking photos of your perspective in the piece."

There's also a note on this in the program. We'll try it this way on Thursday night to see if we get enough participants- if I need to, then I could make a more formal announcement the other days to encourage more.

I'm excited! I'll be printing Lydia's dress rehearsal photos to make the lobby display soon, too! After this, all that's left is to write it all up and submit to the Journal of Undergrad Research! So many exclamation points! Ah!

Here's the Facebook event with all the info you'll need to see the show!

Designer Unshowing: audience participation!

Here is the piece with audience participation!

I got some great feedback: people noticed themselves focusing in from a broad view to discovering details, they saw boldness in our photographer's interaction as a representative of the audience-participants, curiosity of the audience-photographers, and the closeness of the piece as a whole.

Possibilities include using photo shoot lighting (like umbrellas, bright lights), and having a system for audience members to upload the photos they take.

Here we used their own cameras and phone cameras, which was a great way to easily let them into the piece! The Kickstarter fundraiser isn't doing too well yet (thanks to my one backer!)so we may stick with this method.

Help Audience Participation

^^^ You can click this link for more info on the project and its funding.
Please consider donating to provide cameras for audience participation in this project! The message of choice between observation and participation is best delivered through audience involvement in performances!

Ready for the final unshowing!

Here it is- I think we're in our near-final form (though lacking audience participants here in rehearsal). A change of music, different costuming (Cheslea's dress will be gray covered in color emotional and IADS photos). All that's left is to define how I'll involve the audience through disposable cameras- as to just when I'll ask them to enter the stage to claim and use them. Fun fun!



I can finally say that I am absorbed in watching this, even though I've seen it so many times in and out of the studio. This, I love. (I say this every rehearsal and then change things, but this time, I feel that it's very close to love!) A few timing and specificity things to continue rehearsing, but that comes with time and I daresay we have just enough of that to make it work for Monday's last "designer" unshowing! Two weeks til the show- wowzers! :)

Nerves and vision

Another rehearsal today. Movement-wise I want to work on specificity with my dancers; other than that, I think we'll talk about the role of a few other changes and their opinions on that. Neta helped me come up with some cool ideas that I need to visualize to better integrate. There are so many possibilities and so little time to try them out, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but excited too. (Part of that probably has to do with the terrible suspense of a late response from my top grad school... yikes.)

Other ideas I'm chewing on include looking up wholesale disposable cameras to give to audience members during the performance, and I'm going to see about inviting them into a role onstage during the dance. Just what that role is and how to instruct and encourage them in it is what I need to envision. I think I'll develop contact sheets of the photos they'll take.

I'm also rethinking the costumes. Considering stitching photos of the piece or from IAPS onto Chels' dress, and dressing the two observers in clothes like my own (put-together contemporary conservative, aka pretty-nerdy).

I'm also asking Lydia about live-feeding her photos to a computer screen. That's where I need to consider technical concerns. Today is the production meeting, which is where they tell us "no" to technical requests and we push for compromises to do the ridiculous things we want to do :)

Maybe they'll also tell us what pieces are actually approved since adjudication on Monday...

Beginning the rough draft

Here goes... let's all pray technology doesn't do something horrible to me and try to dump the work I'm starting. I'll see if I want to post as I write. I definitely will be getting comments on this as it goes along, but we'll see what I can get out first on my own. It's a good start so far!

On a lunch break, I found this TED video by a spoken word poet who talks about putting herself into her art.

Notes from the Symposium

All that excitement, and it turned out to be so simple. I set up my board, hooked up my iPod, let the dancers dress and warm up, and off we went! A few people looked at the photo board while I set up but they didn't stay to ask questions- we were all distracted as the announcement for best paper and the performances approached. Someone announced the work for me, and they performed well (the camera flash didn't work, but nobody knew to miss it, and the lighting wouldn't have shown it off anyway, as there was none).

After asking for feedback, I'm thinking I need to introduce Camille before Chelsea, and change her position so that the audience relates more to her than to Chels. I got feedback that it appears that Camille wants to join Chels in the "chaotic" part, then she wants Chels to join her-- I want to rethink how we enact their meeting to clarify this movement together. It is always about Camille joining Chels. I may decide to structure that transition further, so that it is no longer purely improvised as the first part draws into the second. Neta also suggests that I put Lydia in Chels' face between the dancers taking some photos. That makes me think of a possible competition between Lydia and Camille to be closer to Chels in this part I'm considering rethinking. I also want to find an external measure for timing the improvised part. I might be able to find some kind of sound score still, which would also solve the problem of the suddenness of the music beginning the second part.

Good thoughts! Now, off to find that sound score and to imagine the definition of their competition and meeting as the first part works into the second.


ps- today I got accepted to UCF's Master of Arts in Counselor Education Mental Health Track! still waiting to hear from my top school, but this is a great option! I get to be a counselor!!

Super. Excited.

First video of this piece under it's new name, with all performers, mostly in costume, with the music by Mumford and Sons! yahooo!

And, looking at last year's paper I'm looking forward to writing my own. I finally feel like I can actually do this! (It only took a year! lol)

Awake, My Soul

"Awakening is followed by a new naming of self and reality that articulates the new orientation to self and world achieved through experiencing the powers of being."

-Carol P. Christ (emphasis included, and I like it)

Beautiful song- I want it!